Erin and Travis Reception Pics - Better late than never!

I have somewhat recently decided to stop posting pictures on Facebook and have instead opted for posting Picasa albums on my blog from now on. I've finally figured out how to do this, thanks to lots of help from Amanda and Erin, and also Nate, who sat with me over Thanksgiving and helped me put together the following album of Pear and Travis. Hopefully I'll get better and faster at this and can finally post all of my albums from the past year. Until then, please enjoy this album that is already more than a year overdue, but still really fun!

Erin and Travis Wedding Reception

34

March 19, 1977 was a long time ago. I'm afraid to grow old, but I like the idea that with each year's unique experiences, challenges, triumphs, and tragedies, maybe I'm a little more grown up and a bit wiser each year. So, at best, I'd say I'm conflicted about this aging business. But rather than stray into these boring philosophical conversations with myself (ample opportunity for that in future posts), how about some fun trivial pursuit instead?

On this day in history*: March 19
American Revolution: Thomas McKean is born, 1734
Literary: Balzac botches a publicity stunt, 1842
Old West: Artist Charlie Russell born, 1864
Civil War: Battle of Bentonville, North Carolina, 1865
World War I: First U.S. air-combat mission begins, 1916
General Interest: Nevada legalizes gambling, 1931
World War II: General Fromm executed for plot against Hitler, 1945
Cold War: East Germany approves new constitution, 1949
Hollywood: First Academy Awards telecast on NBC, 1953
Hollywood: DeMille wins Oscar, 1953
Music: Elvis Presley puts a down payment on Graceland, 1957
Sports: Texas Western defeats Kentucky in NCAA finals, 1966
Vietnam War: Seoul agrees to send additional troops, 1966
Vietnam War: National emergency declared in Cambodia, 1970
Disaster: Peruvian town wiped out, 1971
Miracle: Susannah Thomas born in Provo, Utah, 1977
Crime: Bodies found in Yosemite serial killer case, 1999
Presidential: Bush announces the launch of Operation Iraqi Freedom, 2003
Automotive: Maverick auto exec John DeLorean dies, 2005
*stolen from the History Channel at history.com

The meaning of 34**
34 (thirty-four) is the natural number following 33 and preceding 35.

In mathematics
34 is the ninth distinct semiprime and has four divisors including unity and itself. Its neighbors, 33 and 35 also are distinct semiprimes having four divisors each, and 34 is the smallest number to be surrounded by numbers with the same number of divisors as it has. It is also in the first cluster of three distinct semiprimes, being within; 33,34,35, the next such cluster of semiprimes is; 85,86,87.

It is the ninth Fibonacci number and a companion Pell number. Since it is an odd-indexed Fibonacci number, 34 is a Markov number, appearing in solutions with other Fibonacci numbers, such as (1, 13, 34), (1, 34, 89), etc.

This number is the magic constant of a 4 by 4 normal magic square


Thirty-four is a heptagonal number

It has the aliquot sum, 20, in the following descending sequence 34,20,22,14,10,8,7,1. and it is the 6th composite member of the 7-aliquot tree.

There is no answer to the equation ?(x) = 34, making 34 a nontotient. Nor is there an answer to the equation x - ?(x) = 34, making 34 a noncototient.

In science
The atomic number of selenium

Messier object M34, a magnitude 6.0 open cluster in the constellation Perseus

The New General Catalogue object NGC 34, a peculiar galaxy in the constellation Cetus

The Saros number of the solar eclipse series which began on 1917 BC August and ended on 384 BC February. The duration of Saros series 34 was 1532.5 years, and it contained 86 solar eclipses. The Saros number of the lunar eclipse series which began on 1633 BC May and ended on 335 BC June. The duration of Saros series 34 was 1298.1 years, and it contained 73 lunar eclipses.

In sports
In baseball:
The number has been retired by the following teams:
The Minnesota Twins in honor of Kirby Puckett.
The Houston Astros and Texas Rangers in honor of Nolan Ryan.
The Oakland Athletics and Milwaukee Brewers in honor of Rollie Fingers.

In basketball:
The number retired by the Houston Rockets in honor of its most famous wearer, Hakeem Olajuwon.

In American football:
The number retired by the Chicago Bears in honor of Walter Payton.
The number retired by the Houston Oilers/Tennessee Titans in honor of Earl Campbell.

In other fields
The traffic code of Istanbul, Turkey

Rule 34 of the Internet, a meme which states that "If it exists, there is porn of it. No exceptions."

Rule 34, a novel by Charles Stross due July 2011[3]

"#34", a song by the Dave Matthews Band

34 Skidoo, the 1970s magic square puzzle

In the title of the 1947 movie Miracle on 34th Street, remade in 1994

The number of the French department Hérault

+34 is the code for international direct-dial phone calls to Spain

The lucky number of Victor Pelevin's protagonist Stepan Mikhailov in the novel Numbers, published as part of DTT(NN) [Dialectics in Times of Transition (from Nowhere into Nothing)]

Request for production, Rule 34 of the U.S. Federal Rules of Civil Procedure.

Historical years 34 A.D., 34 B.C., 1934, 2034, etc.

ME! (The more I say it, the more I'll get used to it :) )
**Stolen from Wikipedia at wikipedia.org

A Christmas Greeting From Me to You!

Dear Family and Friends,

Merry Christmas!

I love Christmas time. It is so magical and beautiful. As Kermit “Bob Cratchit” sings in The Muppet Christmas Carol, “The world is at her best, you know, when people love and care.” I have seen and felt much love and care this year, and I have seen how love can change lives for the better.

The many challenges and experiences I have had throughout this year, including heartbreak from a failed relationship, the sudden passing of a dear friend, intense service opportunities as the Relief Society president of my LDS ward, and most recently two ankle surgeries, have all brought many emotional and physical ups and downs, but in the end, I feel so blessed to be alive; to be in the care of great doctors and therapists who help me improve each day; to know that when I heal from the emotional and physical wounds I’ll be better than ever; and especially to be surrounded by my wonderful family and friends who truly are “people who love and care” and have supported and helped me with EVERYTHING. I am also especially grateful at this Christmas time for the birth of Jesus Christ and His atonement that makes everything we do possible.

One of my all time favorite stories is Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol.” Following a harrowing night of being haunted by the ghosts of his past, present, and future, Ebenezer Scrooge awakens to a beautiful Christmas morning, a changed man who “became as good a friend, as good a master, and as good a man, as the good old city knew, or any other good old city, town, or borough, in the good old world. . . . [I]t was always said of him, that he knew how to keep Christmas well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge. May that be truly said of us, and all of us! And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God bless Us, Every One!”

Love and peace,
Susannah

Emily

I have been so remiss in posting blogs that I'm sure some of my kind blog followers think I have abandoned the blog world, but that is not so. As you probably gathered from my last post, my life got a little bit busy in March. Consequently, I've barely had time to read others' blogs (which I've thoroughly enjoyed when I do read them), and I check Facebook maybe once a week if I'm lucky. Despite my lack of writing, I have this long list of ideas I want to share, including things that are more light-hearted compared to my last few posts, but I can't seem to find the time. The irony is that with all my plans of "great" and humorous things to write, today's post is on the serious side again (sorry!) – though NOT sad! – and is a bit spontaneous, having been prompted by a dream I had last night about my friend Emily Roosevelt. Emily died 2 months ago this coming Sunday at age 40 following complications after her heart transplant from June 2008.

So in my dream, I was at work as usual. It was probably mid-day, sometime after lunch on a day exactly like it is right now. A few of us were talking just outside my office in our foyer, as we often do, when Emily came walking in through the back door with papers in her hand and headed into her office, which is right next to mine. We all kind of chatted with her a bit, she finished what she was doing, and we said good-bye (for the time being, as if we knew we'd see her again). The interesting thing about all this was that while she was there at the office in flesh and bones, we were all aware she was in fact visiting us from beyond the grave, so to speak, and it was just super cool to see her. At first I think I kind of knew I was dreaming, but I managed to easily convince myself that this couldn't possibly be a dream because it was so real and so not weird at all. Sometimes in dreams things are a little distorted to the point that you know it's not real. Not this time. It was real. Until I woke up.

I don't think I was anywhere near consciously thinking about Em when I went to bed last night, but something triggered this dream. As I've gone through the day today I don't feel haunted or anything, but it's more of a feeling of comfort, that she really is keeping herself happily busy doing great things in the afterlife. And I guess a small part of me kind of expects that she'll just show up today, like she did in my dream. :)

Emily was my colleague from the past 7 years, but more importantly one of my greatest friends for the past 9 years. Because this has been really hard for me to deal with or understand, I've refrained from writing (or maybe have just been unable to write) about her on the blog, but after seeing her in my dream last night, I now feel like I want to share a small tribute to her that I wrote to her family the week after she died:


I first met Emily in January 2001 when I was a 2nd year law student interning in the Solicitor’s Office (where I currently work). About mid-way through my internship I was assigned to do a project for her. It felt like we became instant friends. As my internship was coming to a close in April 2001, she was so concerned that I have a proper farewell lunch, so she helped me choose a good restaurant and made sure every single person in the office could make it to the lunch. I think everyone did! And as of this writing, it still goes down in my book as one of the best most successful intern lunches we’ve ever had, wholly thanks to Em’s desire to make it a special occasion for me.

The next time I saw Emily was in January 2003 when I came to interview for my current job. Em was one of five people interviewing me that day. I think she was the first person I talked to. She invited me into her office, gave me a big hug and asked me to tell her everything that had been going on in my life since we last saw each other nearly 2 years earlier. It was like we just picked up where we left off, and so we spent the next 30-40 minutes just talking about our lives and catching up. I don’t think we really talked about the job at all! If I had been nervous at all about my interviews that day, by the time I finished with Em, I was completely relaxed. It was definitely the best interview ever!

I was hired in June 2003, and of course, Em was all over making sure I had a proper welcoming lunch. Once again, she set up the place and time, and printed the announcement on our bulletin board. It was a wonderful time and one I’ll never forget as I had a great opportunity to get re-acquainted with everyone.

In June 2004, about 8 months after Mason (her 1st son that she adopted) was born, Em asked if I could come babysit for a few hours. It was there that I became acquainted with her home and met her dog Maggie for the first time. I was back at the house in August 2004 to stay with Maggie for a few days. And thus began my 2nd career as Maggie’s sitter! (The wintry picture from my last post was taken from the balcony of her house the last time I dogsat for her.) But the best consequence of all was that I had a chance to get to know Emily and her family even better during all this time. I enjoyed a number of visits to the house to just hang out and visit and sometimes have dinner, and the couple of office parties we had at her house were seriously some of the best parties we had! There was also the occasional movie or restaurant dinner or house party or park party with friends, which were all super fun. It seemed very clear that she wanted all of her friends to be friends with each other, so she was always certain to introduce everyone. Among the visits I had with her and her family, two of my favorite visits were first, when she was on maternity leave after Liam (her 2nd son that she adopted) was born I came up one night and we all Thai food together, and second, the visit I had with her a few weeks after she came home from her heart transplant surgery. And then there were the many phone calls and emails. She was always so willing to talk and enjoyed having the company. One of my most vivid memories of Em was during the time when Liam was about to be born and the stress she and her husband were experiencing not knowing for sure if Liam would be a part of their family or not because the birth mom was changing her mind. As hard as that was, Em was SO excited, and even with the lingering doubts was so calm and collected and willing to talk about it. We had a lot of fun exchanging ideas for names. Liam was definitely my favorite name of the ones we discussed, so I was really happy when she chose that name. Emily talked about the boys all the time. She missed them a lot during the day and was so excited for any phone calls from the boys. She was a wonderful example of the most loving mother–an example I hope to emulate someday.

Emily was like a surrogate sister to me in so many ways. She is between Bec's and Dave's ages and would speak to me in very similar ways that Bec speaks to me. With Bec in Canada and the Amanda, Christina, and Erin living in China, Boston, and Brazil a few years ago, Emily kind of became my “fifth sister” and thus had the great “privilege” of listening to me talk about EVERYTHING going on in my life from family, to religion, to boys, to work, to health issues. You name it, we talked about it. When I was diagnosed with Endometriosis in 2006, something that Em had also been dealing with for many years. I was concerned and a bit scared about what I was facing, but sure enough, she was willing to sit down and talk to me about everything, including helping me better understand the surgery I was to have at that time. It was a great thing to share and helped put me at ease in more ways than she could know. In mid-2009 I had some further problems related to this condition that scared me a little bit again. Because Em had been through so much with her heart transplant and the attendant effects from that, I didn’t want to burden her with my problems, but it eventually all came out and as she always had before, she completely listened and helped me understand everything. She was so open and loving and willing to talk. And, in turn, she opened up a lot to me and shared many things going on in her life, as well. We shared a wall between our offices, so it was easy to just head out my door and be immediately in her office. She always validated every single concern or fear I had no matter how inconsequential or silly it may have been, and she offered her perspectives in such a direct but loving way. This is a rare gift and one that I am and will be forever grateful for.

Love you, Em!

Emily was also a very faithful blogger, so if you want to see more about her and all the many challenges she endured, please go to http://www.heart2heart4emily.blogspot.com/.

Winter Is Past

“For, lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone, the flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come...” Song of Solomon.

Winter is past. At last.

During the first 7 days of winter the boy I’d been dating for a couple of months become my boyfriend – my first – and I became his girlfriend. For the first time in my life I was dating someone I actually liked and who definitely liked me back. For the first time in my life I kissed someone. For the first time in my life, I felt compelled to seek counseling to overcome my barriers that were preventing me from fully exploring this relationship with this amazing guy. For the first time in years the barriers to relationships came 100% down with a definite thud. For the first time in a decade I was open to the idea of sharing my life with someone.

And then on the 9th day of winter, the day before New Year’s Eve, it all came to an abrupt end. After an amazing weekend, two nights into the following week my boyfriend did yoga with me, came to my house for dinner, and then announced that he was feeling standoffish, uncertain about everything, confused and that he was sorry but needed to just go home. I've never heard from him again. Given all the circumstances of our dating and everything else which I will spare you, suffice it to say that what he did was the worst, meanest thing anyone has EVER done to me.

And so I spent New Year’s Eve with Mom and Dad. We went to In-n-Out Burger and then watched The Princess and the Frog. About 10 minutes into the movie, Dad leaned over to me and asked if I was sure that this was ok. Absolutely, because this had a happy ending!! We then had a nice visit with Mand and Curt. We also enjoyed a beautiful New Year's Day evening sledding at the park. At the time, I was feeling quite sorry for myself, but reflecting back on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day, I have nothing but happy memories as I felt so clearly Mom and Dad’s love for me. The feeling continues to this day, along with the amazing amount of love that has been shown me by my siblings, extended family, and other friends.

As a consequence of all this, I went into hiding. And for the first time in my adult single life, I was actually feeling not alone, but LONELY. (Big difference.) Not only that, I was no longer writing on the blog, I only sporadically saw my friends, I failed to do my visiting teaching for 2 months, my reading habits were no longer habits, I couldn’t even bring myself to run, my sleep patterns were completely thrown off (still kind of are), which led me to suffer through 5 separate head/chest colds. I WAS still going to the gym, watching TV, and teaching my RS lessons. For a couple of weeks I made a habit of coming home from work, turning off my computer and cell phone, shutting the house up, getting in my PJs, and watching a romantic show or movie. I was fully aware that this was a temporary fix, that I’d really have to deal with this later, but it felt nice to just do nothing.

And then 2 weeks after that horrible night he left, for the first time in my life I actually spoke with a therapist – not just about the things I had originally called about, but also to talk about this latest episode in my dating life. That first session was so critical to the beginning of the healing process that if it had been all I got, I would be forever a better person for it. Happily my therapist has been more than willing to see me again many times since, and so the healing continues.

This was also the season of Disney as I sought much needed refuge with family both in California and Florida. Nothing like a little Disney to cheer you up!

Just when I thought the season was about as eventful – both good and bad – as I could stand, the night after I returned home from Florida I was called to be the Relief Society President of my family ward. Ya, I pretty much fell off my chair when the call was issued. I failed to persuade the Bishop that he was wrong, even mentioning that this future President was in therapy. He just smiled and said something like, “Well, that’s nice. So as far as choosing your counselors,...” I was sustained two weeks later (Mar. 7, 2010) and am now fully into that responsibility. Overwhelmed? YES!! Excited? YES!! God knows me best and knows better than any of us what is best for the ward. I have known that this call was not about me, but about what God wants, as Mom was so great to remind me about this morning. I have an amazing Bishop, the best presidency ever, and so to work I go!

During the past few weeks, we’ve had many Spring snow storms, meaning it snows a lot for a few hours and then melts away on the ground also within a few hours. It was weird but each snowfall brought me such comfort. It was like winter starting afresh all over again. This was such a manic winter where I want to keep certain things in my memory and permanently erase other things from my memory. Having new snow with none of the crazy attached to it but, instead, attaching to it all good nostalgic memories about snow made me feel so good. I thrived on those snowfalls. I loved those quiet walks I took through the neighborhood on perfect white. I felt physically, mentally, and emotionally silent as I enjoyed those fresh snowfalls. It was luxurious.

The last day of winter ended with my 33rd birthday, which was as happy an occasion as it’s ever been, with many loving greetings from family and friends, a successful speaking engagement at a law conference, wonderful dinner with family, great gifts, a movie at Mand and Curt’s, and then a rollicking Sunday dinner with amazing food. And thus, the winter ended.

It has definitely been a season of contrasts – some of the highest highs in my life and some of the lowest lows. And while I have much to be sad and angry about, I have just as much to be grateful and happy about from this past winter because, as the snow has taught me, the pain and all these bad things I’m dealing with will be made as white, as pure, and as beautiful as snow.

The Grateful List

This morning I saw an AP news article regarding gratitude which I was thought was very appropriate. You can read it here. Here are a couple of excerpts:

Academics have long theorized that expressions of thanks promote health and happiness and give optimism and energy to the downtrodden. Now, the study of gratitude has become a surprisingly burgeoning field, and research indicates being thankful might help people actually feel better. There's a catch, however: You have to say thanks more than just once a year.

Brenda Shoshanna, a New York psychologist, agreed: "You can't be depressed and grateful at the same time," said Shoshanna, the author of 365 Ways to Give Thanks: One for Every Day of the Year. "It makes a person physically, mentally, in every way healthier."

I am reminded of an experience I had a few years ago that while not scientific evidence, definitely provides anecdotal support for this study. In October of 2004 I had one particularly busy day. I had a long morning meeting to attend in the southern part of the valley, and then had to hurry back to the office to grab a few things and head to the airport for a midday flight to Durango, Colorado. Because I’m not cool enough, I don’t have a parking space at our office. However, given that I was planning to run in and out in just a couple of minutes, I went into the garage and pulled into an empty space near the elevators. It was a tight fit with a car on one side and a big cement support pillar on the other, but this was the Nissan Altima, so with a little maneuvering I was able to insert myself into the cozy space. So with very little, if any, time to spare, I ran up to my office and then back to the car. As I was backing out of the parking space, it suddenly occurred to me that it seemed too easy to get out of this space compared to how difficult it was to get in, and then CRUNCH!!! I slammed the passenger side front fender into the cement support pillar. After a few seconds of being too stunned to move or even believe that what just happened really happened. I jumped out of the car and to my chagrin saw that it was true – the fender was completely crunched up, and I had clearly graffiti-ed the pillar with my maroon car paint. In a matter-of-fact manner I drove out of the garage and parked at a parking meter on the road just outside our building. I then got out, sat on the curb and called dad. As much as I really wanted to cry, I somehow maintained my composure. Dad was so great. First, he immediately offered to come up and take me to the airport even though it would be extremely inconvenient to his plans for the day. I sort of brushed that aside as I really wanted to discuss the fact that I was about to sell the car back to him and now I had crashed it. Dad tried to persuade me to not worry about it, but that was a fruitless effort. After discussing where I might get the fender fixed, I assured him once again, against his continuing protests, that I would take of it. Now back to the airport problem, we agreed that I would drive home, avoiding as many turns as possible – with every turn the right front wheel scraped against the dented fender – and check with a shuttle service to see if they could come at the last minute. As it turned out, I was able to safely maneuver the car home and was successful in scheduling a shuttle ride to the airport. I made it to my flight with about 45 minutes to spare and eventually made it to my hotel in Durango about 9pm that night.

Between the time I ran up to my office that afternoon to the time I finally checked into my hotel room I’d hardly had any time to think or even breathe – it was such a whirlwind of activity and emotion and frustration. I was convinced that as soon as I got settled into my room and in my PJs that I’d just totally start crying because I was still quite mentally agitated. As much as I really wanted to, I still couldn’t cry, so I decided to do a little yoga in hopes of calming myself. While in the corpse pose, I realized that as upsetting as the afternoon had been, I was really blessed. I immediately jumped up, grabbed the hotel notepad and scribbled what would become Susannah’s inaugural “Grateful List.” As I reviewed the day I came up with 20 or 30 things to be grateful for.

A sampling of the things I was grateful for that night:
I made it safely to and from my earlier meetings that morning
The car I crashed was my own and not a government car
I didn’t hurt anybody
I wasn’t hurt
I was able to drive home
I had the best dad in the world who was so understanding and so willing to do everything possible to ease my pain
I had enough money to make the repairs
I was able to get a shuttle to the airport
I made all my connections and made it safely to Durango
I drove the 25 miles from the airport to my hotel without incident
I got to stay in the DoubleTree Hotel (my favorite)
I got the famous DoubleTree warm chocolate cookie from the hotel at check-in
I had a comfortable room and bed
I got to do some yoga

The most amazing and unexpected thing happened! All the agitation, frustration, or sadness I felt that afternoon and evening was completely gone. I was in perfect state of peace and calmness. I carried that list around with me for a few years as a reminder of what I learned that night. Since then, I’ve had several opportunities to create other “Grateful Lists,” each with the same results.

And so, on this Thanksgiving Day as we remember the many things we’re grateful for, my hope is that we will remember these things every day–not just today–and on those especially challenging days that we can remember to create our own “Grateful List.” It is the perfect weapon against any and all negativity and will change your life!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Tour de Life

In 2005 I got pertussis, also known as whooping cough. It knocked me out of pretty much all physical activity after spending every day barfing multiple times a day, messing up the cartilage in my rib cage and eventually breaking a rib. During the worst of it, it took me 10 minutes to walk one city block. As the sickness finally went away, I was, um, coerced – yes, coerced is probably the best word – into running with some of my co-workers. I made it oh, about ½ mile before I wanted to die, but I did eventually finish out the first mile. I then walked until the real runners met back up with me on their way back to complete their 5 miles.

Despite that first experience in 2005, I worked hard and established a fairly regular running schedule. In late 2006, again after some, um, persuasion by others, I decided to train for a marathon. Through the next few months of training I battled through another cough/cartilage episode, flare-ups of several newly discovered bulging discs in my neck, and nodular scabies that resulted in 2 trips to the hospital. Despite all those interesting distractions, I finally made it to the last big week of training before a 3 week taper. On June 2, 2007, I ran 22 miles and felt fantastic! But as it turned out, all was not well. Just as I was finishing the last few seconds of that amazing run I suddenly stopped because I thought I’d just been stung by a bee on my inner ankle. Several hours later I couldn’t walk at all, both ankles having seized up. I learned later that the problem stemmed from tendonitis of the posterior tibialis tendons, the inner ankle tendons, on both ankles.

On June 5, 3 days after that amazing run, I was lying on the physical therapist’s table having medicine slowly injected into my completely crippled tendons and ankles, quietly crying to myself. How could this have happened? Why me? After all that careful and thoughtful training I did, how did I break? I was 3 weeks from my race and still held a small bit of belief that I could get well enough to run, but it was while lying there on the table that the reality and the gravity of the situation hit me. I remember my therapist yelling at me to “keep positive!” For a generally positive person, such as myself, I decided that the therapist was right and that I could “positive” my way back into the race. So for the next couple of weeks I spent every ounce of energy I had willing myself to heal.

About one week before the race, I finally had to concede that it just wasn’t going to happen and called to cancel my place in the race. I felt so empty that day, and whatever amount of positiveness I’d managed to muster disappeared instantly. With the race gone, I tried to focus on healing during the next few months. I experienced heartbreaks again and again as I continued to try to get well enough to run more than 30 seconds on the treadmill, but after failing time and time again, I had nothing left to draw from anymore; I had no inspiration to keep trying. What was it all for anyway? Why did I spend all those months of training, pushing my body to limits it had never before realized, ripping my feet apart, and obsequiously submitting to this positive thinking thing, which ended up only being half-hearted anyway? And the biggest mystery to me of all: why did my therapist, who is actually an anti-runner and absolute realist, encourage me to keep positive when he probably already knew that day that I’d never run that race? Was he really that cruel? I’ve been heartbroken in my life, but this was far worse than anything I’d ever felt before. I wasn’t just heartbroken, but also physically broken. I also knew that not one single person in the whole world could possibly feel or understand what it was like to be me at this time, which only made me feel worse.

And then Andy Roddick unexpectedly lost a heartbreaking 5-setter to Richard Gasquet in the quarterfinal at Wimbledon 2007, and my whole perspective changed. Here are Andy’s comments after his loss: “I’ll probably wake up tomorrow with a better sense of perspective. I’m sitting here feeling pretty crappy right now. But I promise you I’m aware in the grand scheme of things I’m still pretty blessed and very lucky and very fortunate. That being said, you know, when you put your blood, sweat and tears, everything you have into something, and you can almost taste it, you envision something and it doesn’t work out, it’s not easy. But that’s what makes you addicted to the competition, you know, is the feeling when you do win. That’s what gets you back on the horse.” Wow, I thought. Somebody really does understand, and a world-class athlete at that!!! Rather than just putting on a happy face and saying “better luck next time” he got right down to it about how much it hurt. But he also remembered to express his gratitude for what he had in his life and how his past positive experiences would help him be strong enough to get “back on the horse” and try harder the next time.

Over the last couple of years since my initial injury, I’ve had further ups and downs, including breaking an ankle that was already compromised by a re-flared-up tendon. But I remembered what Andy said. I remembered to focus on the things I was grateful for– the fact that I could actually walk at all, much less run, the fact that I had accomplished so much even though I never got to run the race, the fact that there WERE people out there who understood what I felt. But even more importantly, I finally understood what my realistic, anti-runner therapist meant when he said “keep positive!” It wasn’t an admonition to will myself to run the race or to wish everything was easy again, but to be strong enough to accept the reality of my situation, no matter how challenging or negative, and work with it to make me stronger.

Since this realization, I’ve paid particular attention to other athletes and how they’ve dealt with challenges. A few examples from this past Summer– The 20th (and penultimate) stage of this year’s Tour de France had the riders climbing up Mont Ventoux (see above picture), the highest point in the Provence area. This would include a 1,912 meter climb with 7-12% grades to the summit of the mountain. As stated on one website, “never in the history of the event has a mountain been on the programme the day before the finish in Paris. . . . Whatever the lead of the rider wearing the Yellow Jersey, he will have to face the Tour’s toughest climb with fear and humility.” I was so amazed and inspired by the riders as they conquered fatigue and difficult race conditions, including the most crowds ever at a single TDF Stage, to conquer this mountain. At the conclusion of that stage, I felt like ANYTHING was possible no matter what obstacles and setbacks came my way. One week later, on August 1, I watched Michael Phelps win the 200m butterfly in Rome in record-breaking fashion, just one year after doing the same in Beijing. Michael’s post-Olympic activities have been well-publicized. He certainly went from some very high highs to very low lows, including taking a 6 month break from racing to deal with his personal problems. Phelps’ Beijing record had been broken during one of the qualifiers in Rome, so what did Michael do? He jumped in the pool and broke the record right back. And finally, on September 14, an unlikely Argentine tennis player named Juan Carlos del Potro, down 2 sets and facing match point against the No. 1 ranked player in the world Roger Federer, fought back and WON the U.S. Open championship in New York!! I think I cried.

And so, while this post is focused on sports stories, you see and read stories like these in all walks of life. We all face many challenges and setbacks in our lives, and we can justifiably be angry and depressed over it to the point where we just want to give up. Or, as these athletes and so many others have demonstrated, we can choose to“keep positive,” to be grateful for what we do have, to acknowledge the challenges and the harsh reality of our given situation, and then make it work for us to make us stronger and, ultimately, find joy in this our Tour de Life.