Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Ordinary Miracles


It's not that unusual
When everything is beautiful
It's just another ordinary miracle today

The sky knows when it's time to snow
Don't need to teach a seed to grow
It's just another ordinary miracle today

Life is like a gift they say
Wrapped up for you every day
Open up and find a way
To give some of your own love

Isn't it remarkable?
Like every time a raindrop falls
It's just another ordinary miracle today

Birds in winter have their fling
They always make it home in spring
It's just another ordinary miracle today

When you wake up everyday
Please don't throw your dreams away
Hold them close to your heart
Cause we are all a part of the ordinary miracle

Ordinary miracle
Do you want to see a miracle?

It seems so exceptional
The things just work out after all
It's just another ordinary miracle today

The sun comes up and shines so bright
And disappears again at night
It's just another ordinary miracle today

It's just another ordinary miracle today

I discovered this song “Ordinary Miracle” by Sarah McLachlan when my sister Amanda included it on a music mix she made for one of our recent sisters reunions. It is one of those songs that just speaks to my soul, like discovering a new friend that I’ve actually known forever. Music can be so magical like that. As I’ve played and replayed this song over the last couple of years, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what it is that speaks to me, and I think I’ve partially discovered the answer:

In 2002 I attended BYU’s Education Week for the first time. While I enjoyed it quite a lot, I found myself becoming a little irritated with how it seemed like every speaker’s life was so perfect. They were constantly receiving revelation, having these amazing experiences to draw from, and just really living outside of an ordinary life. As the week drew to a close, I remember one night I was listening to a particular speaker that I liked (even though I had launched some of my criticism his way earlier in the week) and had this significant 'Eureka!' moment. His life was extraordinarily ordinary. In fact, it was actually extraordinarily difficult. He shared some very personal trials and other experiences I would never wish on my worst enemy. I also realized that the reason he (and many of the other speakers) seemed to have so many "dramatic" spiritual experiences and miracles in his life was because… wait for it … he was actually looking for those things among the small details of otherwise ordinary events of life and found in each of those events profound teaching moments that would ultimately deeply affect his life. This might be summed up in the words Alma to his son Helaman in the Book of Mormon (Alma 37:6-7):

Behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise. And the Lord God doth work by means to bring about his great and eternal purposes; and by very small means the Lord doth confound the wise and bringeth about the salvation of many souls.

I realized that I was no different than any of those speakers; that if I were willing to open my eyes and heart to the seemingly mundane things around me, I, too, could have amazing experiences and see miracles in my life every day. Since that night at Education Week I have tried to have a specific intention each day to look for and be grateful for the small and simple things – the ordinary miracles – that not only bring me happiness, joy, faith, hope, and love but give me the courage and strength to share those things with everyone around me. So yes, I love this song because it describes some of my favorite ordinary miracles that have given greater meaning to my life, and it encourages us all to continue discovering those miracles each day. As Sarah so beautifully expressed –

Life is like a gift they say
Wrapped up for you every day
Open up and find a way
To give some of your own love

When you wake up everyday
Please don't throw your dreams away
Hold them close to your heart
Cause we are all a part of the ordinary miracle


Thursday, October 8, 2015

Asthma, Priesthood Blessings, and Answered Prayers



About the third week of July this year I got a cold. My sleeping habits weren’t awesome, I’d been exposed to the cold virus earlier that week from others around me, and I hiked Lone Peak which pretty much took all my energy and left my immune system pretty depressed. The cold itself was surprisingly quite mild, but about four days into the cold I started coughing. That’s nothing new. If there is a possibility of coughing, it will happen to me! What I didn’t expect was that I’d still be coughing nearly three weeks later when I was scheduled to travel to Canada with my sister Amanda Ashton and her family (husband Curtis and 4 kids), so I thought it would be good to finally seek some medical advice.

I saw my pulmonologist a few days before leaving and got some antibiotics for a sinus infection, so I was positive that I would be out of the woods and finally done with the cough. Saturday, the night before we left for Canada, I was up all night coughing, barfing, gagging, dying. Not to overstate this, but I actually kind of wanted to die – understand that I was not going to do that to myself, but I just wanted my body to give it up because I was in an absolute state of misery. I called the hospital twice, first at 2:30am and again 4:30am, hoping to get help from the pulmonary doctor on call. According to the operator, my own doctor wanted to be the one they called. At 2:30 in the morning? I saw no reason to wake him up over a cough. (At this point I was too exhausted to recognize that this "cough" was actually a full-blown asthma attack and that I probably should have let the hospital call my doctor.) So by 6:30am Sunday morning I called a third time and finally asked to have my doctor call me back. Shortly thereafter I got a call, but it ended up being from the doctor on call after all that. He called in a prescription for me, which for some reason never came through by the time I left for Canada later that morning. I was still on the antibiotics so I was certain that even without that drug this whole cough thing would get better. Pipe dreams.

While in Canada the cough got super nasty to the point of major asthma attacks multiple times a day, barfing, coughing, no sleep, etc. It was pretty much not so fun at all. I wasn’t actually sick anymore, so I had a lot of energy and stamina to enjoy our activities so that was good, but the COUGH!! Ugh. During the next few days I stayed in constant communication with my doctor’s office but there wasn't anything they could do while l was out of the country short of encouraging me to keep up on the OTCs, and other things I could do without prescription drugs. (The drugs they needed to put me on were not of the kind that they could call in over a country border.) This was as frustrating for them as it was for me. I could have gone to a Canadian clinic or hospital but the paperwork and everything just didn’t seem worth it to me when I was going to be back in the US in a few days.

So fast-forward to the end of the week. Friday morning was our departure day with Helena as our planned destination for the night. Beginning at 6:30 that morning I was in full-blown asthma attack mode for about 90 minutes. I had no idea how to stop it or how it was going to be for us driving home. It somehow finally calmed down enough that I thought I’d for sure make it to Helena that night without a problem. As we traveled home we stopped at a park in Lethbridge, Canada for a little break. During that stop my cough had come back and gotten so bad that we almost just had to take me to the hospital. While I was in this park coughing my guts out for almost an hour straight Curtis was on the phone with my doctor’s office (I couldn't talk or even breathe enough to get in a word), but again, they couldn't do anything until we got to Helena that night.

It quickly became very clear to me that the only direct help (and life) line I had at that very moment was Heavenly Father. Unable to breathe and with tears running down my face I prayed and felt that it would be good to ask Curtis for a blessing. Curtis and Amanda were across the parking lot having the same discussion at that moment. So right there in the park Curtis offered a powerful blessing. It didn't make the cough go away, but it made it possible for me to bravely suppress it just enough for the next few hours in the car to finally get to Helena where the doctor had called in the really strong and important meds for me at the pharmacy by our hotel. FINALLY! Relief! I slept uninterrupted for the first time that night in over a week. It was a miracle! During our second day of travels home on Saturday I don’t think I coughed even once.

I returned to the doctor a few days after we returned from Canada and declared myself cured. Yay! But…yeah, not so fast. Within a week of that visit things started going downhill again. The asthma that I thought was getting better got totally out of control again. On a particular Wednesday, about 10 or so days after my latest visit to the doctor, the coughing and asthma got so bad that my co-workers thought I was going to die or had pneumonia or TB or something really terrible. I didn’t have any of the above, but you know, it wasn't really pleasant for them to hear me coughing and gagging like that. And it was no good for me. I had been thinking about contacting my doctor again, but I was just feeling kind of dumb at this point that I had been making so many visits to the doctor when I kept thinking I was all better, and that this would be the third time to his office in 4 weeks. However, after going through that work day on Wednesday I felt a very strong prompting that despite my pride or embarrassment or whatever, I needed to contact the doctor before his office closed for the day, so I quickly sent an email to the doctor to give an update on how things were going and see if there was something I should be doing differently. 

All that week leading up to that Wednesday as things got worse I'd been praying a lot asking Heavenly Father to help me to have the fullness of the healing blessings Curtis blessed me with back in Lethbridge. That Wednesday night I explained to Heavenly Father in my evening prayer that I had been doing all I could but that it obviously just wasn’t enough on my end, that I needed Him, and that I had faith that He could help me. I finally fell asleep without any further cough drama.

But then I woke up even worse at like 4:30am Thursday morning. I was again having a major asthma attack with non-stop coughing and barfing for 4 hours straight. Around 7:30am (too early to call the doctor’s office) and without any hesitation this time I immediately wrote my doctor back again and opened my message with "I think I'm in trouble." I explained what was happening even as I was writing that email. I further noted that I was on my way out of town in two days to visit family in Texas. I was so frustrated because I thought God wasn't really helping me after the blessing and the subsequent heartfelt prayers I’d been offering. After I finished my email to the doctor I even wrote down a little song for myself (apologies to Lambchop):

This is the cough that doesn't end
It just goes on and on my friend
Susannah started coughing and does not know what to do,
So she'll continue coughing on forever just because . . .

Well, about an hour after their office opened for the day, the doctor called me in immediately for breathing treatments, and then we talked a lot about what was going on and what to do about it. I may have had some hesitation to go see him on earlier occasions during the past few weeks, but I could not get into the office fast enough that morning. It was a really good visit. So I'm back on some pretty strong meds that are totally helping again, and I survived the hot humidity of Texas, which would NOT have happened without that visit to the doctor.

Another amazing thing happened during that visit. I learned that my doctor was leaving for Europe the next day. That information just stopped me in my tracks because I suddenly realized that it was a HUGE HUGE blessing that my health had deteriorated so badly that very day that I was basically compelled to contact him immediately without any hesitation, that I caught him right before he left for Europe, and that I was able to get the exact treatments and drugs I needed in order to get through the following week in Texas. I’ve been thinking about this even now many weeks later, that God WAS hearing me loud and clear the whole time. If I hadn’t been sick enough to contact my doctor, I would have been stuck in a really bad place with my doctor in Europe and me dying in Texas. So, um, yeah, I feel more than a little bad that I was being so impatient with God because he was exactly answering my prayers in the best way possible to help me get better.

So this story isn’t over yet, and maybe it won’t ever be. I returned for another visit to the doctor after he returned from Europe and I from Texas, and we have devised a long-term plan. He also gave me his home and cell number and then lectured me (in a kind but stern way) about not hesitating to call him even if it is 2:30am and that I should never let a night like what happened before I went to Canada go by like that again without calling him. He said that asthma attacks typically are the worst between the hours of 2:30 and 4:30am (Susannah: duly noted) and that as a pulmonologist he has willingly accepted those early morning wakeup calls as part of his job. He emphasized that people die from these things, and so he pretty much made me look him in the eye and promise that I would call if this ever happened again even in the early morning hours. So for now, thanks to being back on the strong drugs, the asthma is under control. The doctor would like me to have a whole year of this control, and I’m only weeks into that (maybe), so we shall see. But even with that uncertainty still hanging over me, I am certain that through the blessing Curtis gave me and my ongoing prayers God in His perfect wisdom has blessed me and will continue to bless me and my doctors as we work through this together now as a team – all of us, including God.

To conclude this post, I just want to share a really important truth I learned that day in Lethbridge: When all else fails, the power of the priesthood will never fail. It may not necessarily cure you, but it will help you get through whatever is going on until you can get the proper help you need, and those blessings really are eternal. The blessings that Curtis pronounced on me that day back in Lethbridge were definitely being realized this whole time, and still are, and the reality is that I will probably feel the effects of that blessing for the rest of my life. So I just have a huge testimony of that and am daily filled with so much gratitude that I was able to have Curtis help me. God really hears us, He perfectly knows every detail of our sicknesses and afflictions and whatever else is going on in our lives, and even when it doesn’t make sense or seem like it at the moment, He always knows the best way to help us.