So in my dream, I was at work as usual. It was probably mid-day, sometime after lunch on a day exactly like it is right now. A few of us were talking just outside my office in our foyer, as we often do, when Emily came walking in through the back door with papers in her hand and headed into her office, which is right next to mine. We all kind of chatted with her a bit, she finished what she was doing, and we said good-bye (for the time being, as if we knew we'd see her again). The interesting thing about all this was that while she was there at the office in flesh and bones, we were all aware she was in fact visiting us from beyond the grave, so to speak, and it was just super cool to see her. At first I think I kind of knew I was dreaming, but I managed to easily convince myself that this couldn't possibly be a dream because it was so real and so not weird at all. Sometimes in dreams things are a little distorted to the point that you know it's not real. Not this time. It was real. Until I woke up.
I don't think I was anywhere near consciously thinking about Em when I went to bed last night, but something triggered this dream. As I've gone through the day today I don't feel haunted or anything, but it's more of a feeling of comfort, that she really is keeping herself happily busy doing great things in the afterlife. And I guess a small part of me kind of expects that she'll just show up today, like she did in my dream. :)
Emily was my colleague from the past 7 years, but more importantly one of my greatest friends for the past 9 years. Because this has been really hard for me to deal with or understand, I've refrained from writing (or maybe have just been unable to write) about her on the blog, but after seeing her in my dream last night, I now feel like I want to share a small tribute to her that I wrote to her family the week after she died:
I first met Emily in January 2001 when I was a 2nd year law student interning in the Solicitor’s Office (where I currently work). About mid-way through my internship I was assigned to do a project for her. It felt like we became instant friends. As my internship was coming to a close in April 2001, she was so concerned that I have a proper farewell lunch, so she helped me choose a good restaurant and made sure every single person in the office could make it to the lunch. I think everyone did! And as of this writing, it still goes down in my book as one of the best most successful intern lunches we’ve ever had, wholly thanks to Em’s desire to make it a special occasion for me.The next time I saw Emily was in January 2003 when I came to interview for my current job. Em was one of five people interviewing me that day. I think she was the first person I talked to. She invited me into her office, gave me a big hug and asked me to tell her everything that had been going on in my life since we last saw each other nearly 2 years earlier. It was like we just picked up where we left off, and so we spent the next 30-40 minutes just talking about our lives and catching up. I don’t think we really talked about the job at all! If I had been nervous at all about my interviews that day, by the time I finished with Em, I was completely relaxed. It was definitely the best interview ever!
I was hired in June 2003, and of course, Em was all over making sure I had a proper welcoming lunch. Once again, she set up the place and time, and printed the announcement on our bulletin board. It was a wonderful time and one I’ll never forget as I had a great opportunity to get re-acquainted with everyone.
In June 2004, about 8 months after Mason (her 1st son that she adopted) was born, Em asked if I could come babysit for a few hours. It was there that I became acquainted with her home and met her dog Maggie for the first time. I was back at the house in August 2004 to stay with Maggie for a few days. And thus began my 2nd career as Maggie’s sitter! (The wintry picture from my last post was taken from the balcony of her house the last time I dogsat for her.) But the best consequence of all was that I had a chance to get to know Emily and her family even better during all this time. I enjoyed a number of visits to the house to just hang out and visit and sometimes have dinner, and the couple of office parties we had at her house were seriously some of the best parties we had! There was also the occasional movie or restaurant dinner or house party or park party with friends, which were all super fun. It seemed very clear that she wanted all of her friends to be friends with each other, so she was always certain to introduce everyone. Among the visits I had with her and her family, two of my favorite visits were first, when she was on maternity leave after Liam (her 2nd son that she adopted) was born I came up one night and we all Thai food together, and second, the visit I had with her a few weeks after she came home from her heart transplant surgery. And then there were the many phone calls and emails. She was always so willing to talk and enjoyed having the company. One of my most vivid memories of Em was during the time when Liam was about to be born and the stress she and her husband were experiencing not knowing for sure if Liam would be a part of their family or not because the birth mom was changing her mind. As hard as that was, Em was SO excited, and even with the lingering doubts was so calm and collected and willing to talk about it. We had a lot of fun exchanging ideas for names. Liam was definitely my favorite name of the ones we discussed, so I was really happy when she chose that name. Emily talked about the boys all the time. She missed them a lot during the day and was so excited for any phone calls from the boys. She was a wonderful example of the most loving mother–an example I hope to emulate someday.
Emily was like a surrogate sister to me in so many ways. She is between Bec's and Dave's ages and would speak to me in very similar ways that Bec speaks to me. With Bec in Canada and the Amanda, Christina, and Erin living in China, Boston, and Brazil a few years ago, Emily kind of became my “fifth sister” and thus had the great “privilege” of listening to me talk about EVERYTHING going on in my life from family, to religion, to boys, to work, to health issues. You name it, we talked about it. When I was diagnosed with Endometriosis in 2006, something that Em had also been dealing with for many years. I was concerned and a bit scared about what I was facing, but sure enough, she was willing to sit down and talk to me about everything, including helping me better understand the surgery I was to have at that time. It was a great thing to share and helped put me at ease in more ways than she could know. In mid-2009 I had some further problems related to this condition that scared me a little bit again. Because Em had been through so much with her heart transplant and the attendant effects from that, I didn’t want to burden her with my problems, but it eventually all came out and as she always had before, she completely listened and helped me understand everything. She was so open and loving and willing to talk. And, in turn, she opened up a lot to me and shared many things going on in her life, as well. We shared a wall between our offices, so it was easy to just head out my door and be immediately in her office. She always validated every single concern or fear I had no matter how inconsequential or silly it may have been, and she offered her perspectives in such a direct but loving way. This is a rare gift and one that I am and will be forever grateful for.
Love you, Em!
Emily was also a very faithful blogger, so if you want to see more about her and all the many challenges she endured, please go to http://www.heart2heart4emily.blogspot.com/.
Aw, Sue, that was beautiful. You write beautifully and hopefully about such hard things. I love you!
ReplyDeletewhat a wonderful tribute to your friend and colleague! my heart goes out to you, sue!
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