Recommitting Myself

Two weeks ago I had an epiphany. But I guess technically it wasn’t really an epiphany, which is defined as “a moment of sudden and great revelation.” I was missing the “sudden” part, but it was definitely a moment, or at least a conglomeration of many mini-moments, that produced a great revelation.

It all started on August 23 when I read Pear’s blog on being good. Like Pear, it’s not that I’ve been bad, but maybe my problem is something like going through the motions. I’ve had good intentions for sure, but honestly the reservoir was getting pretty low. I remembered Elder Eyring’s talk from a few years ago on how our spiritual reserves only last for so long. The interesting thing was, though, that it wasn’t until two weeks ago that I realized that I was getting to dead pool stage (dead pool meaning that even if there is a little bit left, it’s so low that it’s completely useless) – a step dangerously close to what you see in the image above. I then started thinking about an article from the August 2009 Ensign, which had some interesting suggestions but wasn’t quite compelling enough at the time to make me act on those suggestions. After reading Pear’s blog, I re-visited that article and read the following (for real this time):

“Do you want to feel the love of God more powerfully in your life? Do you want to feel more in ‘tune with His Spirit? Do you want to have the heavens opened to you daily?’ There is a way you can feel a daily renewal of God’s everlasting love and drink from ‘the fountain of living waters’ (1 Nephi 11:25). It follows a pattern set by the Prophet Joseph Smith when he went to a grove of trees early one morning in 1820 seeking answers to his questions. I speak of a morning devotional time spent in prayer, meditation, and scripture study. If you have a devotional every morning, even if only for a few minutes, you will be deeply blessed. I know this to be true. . . . There is great power in setting aside quiet, prayerful, meditative time. In the stillness that accompanies our pondering, we can come to know the Father and His Son (see Psalm 46:10; D&C 101:16).” - Elder Kikuchi, “Opening the Heavens.”

I wanted that; I needed that in my life. That was what was drying up very quickly for me. But as often happens with good ideas that require changes in your routines, I was already making up excuses: I already get up early enough to go running. I’m too tired in the morning to read my scriptures. Etc. But on the flip side, I thought: So, what’s the big deal just getting up 5-10 minutes earlier? I am more alert after running anyway, so the tiredness excuse is pretty lame. I’ve been trying so hard to find a time to pray in the morning without being rushed – this presents the perfect opportunity. So, I thought about it for a few more days. And then came Sunday August 30.

This particular Sunday was fairly routine: Church at 9, beginning with Priesthood/Relief Society, then Sunday School, and finally Sacrament meeting. But it ended up being far from routine for me because of the most amazing lessons I learned that day.

1. Our combined 5th Sunday lesson taught by the Bishop was about reverence in Sacrament meeting. But it was also so much more than that. He shared with us his concern, not because we were doing so badly, but because we were actually doing such a great job, that he felt we were ready to take it to a higher level. The way he taught the lesson with such love was amazing. I was wondering whether it would generate any negative comments, but somewhat to my surprise, I heard person after person expressing gratitude for the lesson and the desire to recommit to bringing a reverent attitude to our meetings.

2. And then we had Sunday school, where our incredibly prepared teacher taught from D&C 135, which is John Taylor’s testimony about Joseph Smith after the martyrdom. The lesson handout had a number of quotes from people sharing their impressions of Joseph Smith. The one that caught my attention was from Josiah Quincy (former mayor of Boston):

“It is by no means improbable that some future textbook, for the use of generations yet unborn, will contain a question something like this: What historical American of the nineteenth century has exerted the most powerful influence upon the destinies of his countrymen? And it is by no means impossible that the answer to the interrogatory may be thus written: Joseph Smith, the 'Mormon' Prophet. And the reply, absurd as it doubtless seems to most men now living, may be an obvious commonplace to their descendants. History deals in surprises and paradoxes quite as startling as this. The man who established a religion in this age of free debate, who was and is today accepted by hundreds of thousands as a direct emissary from the Most High - such a rare human being is not to be disposed of by pelting his memory with unsavory epithets.” (quoted by B.H. Roberts in, Joseph Smith, The Prophet Teacher, pp8-9).

3. In Sacrament meeting the Bishop asked that an impromptu choir present prelude music for us as we entered the chapel to promote greater reverence for the occasion. That was a different kind of reverence than I have felt in a long time in Sacrament Meeting and was something I definitely wanted to feel again.

4. Our Sacrament Hymn (169) was one we sing often, but this time one line in particular really spoke to me: “And silently we pray for courage to accept thy will, to listen and obey.”

5. In her talk on the influence of the gospel in our lives, one of our Sacrament meeting speakers shared this powerful thought: “Faith is based on a correct understanding of who God is.”

6. A young family of late 30 year old parents and 6 children sang “A Child’s Prayer,” one of my most favorite primary songs. They later joked with me about how they feel like the Von Trapp family singers, but when they were singing, I was so impressed with the unity and love they obviously shared with each other and hoped that someday my own family would be like that.

7. Our 2nd counselor closed the meeting with some thoughts on reverence, and by the end there was the most amazing feeling of unity and love in the ward as we finished out a wonderful 3 hours together.

And so over the course of a few weeks, this epiphany evolved. Even though I hadn’t fully acted on anything by the time that Sunday came around, the desire was completely there, which prepared me to hear and internalize all the things that happened that day. Beginning with Pear’s blog, to the Ensign Article, to the events of that Sunday, each presented personal revelations to me. Consequently, that Sunday pretty much sealed the deal for me and helped me decide that day that I was ready to 100% recommit myself do the following: have a morning devotional, practice reverence both in church and in life in general, follow the prophet’s example by confidently standing up for what I believe and being an emissary for God, bring the spirit into my home through good music, have the courage to do His will, pray and read the scriptures to have a correct understanding of who God is, work towards achieving my goals of raising a family like our Von Trapp family and other great families in the ward, and continue to participate in the ward in such a way to promote love and unity within the ward family.

It has been two weeks now and I must say that I started doing these things not a moment too soon. The first day of my new routine presented some challenges at work like none I’d ever experienced, and so, even from day one, these activities were already helping me to stay calm and focused as I dealt with that particular challenge and others that have followed for the past two weeks. Now the trick is to remain committed no matter what, which is why I’ve written this blog – to remember what I have learned and felt so that I won’t let my reservoir run dry.